Acts chapter one tells us about the selection of St. Matthias to replace Judas Iscariot as the twelfth Apostle. The book depicts the selection being made between St. Matthias and Joseph called Barsabas; from the article, “Christ Ascends to Heaven,” we learn that there were possibly seventy additional potential candidates to replace Judas.
It is easy for us to breezily read about this event, since it happened nearly two thousand years before we were born, but each of us should stop and think - not about St. Matthias - but instead about Joseph Barsabas and the seventy other disciples who were not selected to replace Judas. If you were one of these people, how would you have felt after seeing St. Matthias selected for the office of Apostle?
For a few of you, the answer is simple and God-honoring: you would praise God for His decision, and be happy for St. Matthias. For many of us, however, the answer is far more troubling: we would be jealous of St. Matthias, and possibly even angry with God for His decision.
If you were in Joseph Barsabas’ position, would you have been pleased with St. Matthias’ selection to be an Apostle, or would you have resented being passed over? Would you have thought about all the sacrifices you’d made as a disciple, and all the abilities you would bring to the position of Apostle, and questioned the wisdom in rejecting someone as deserving as yourself?
How can I think of questions like these? Unfortunately, because they are quite possibly - and at times, even probably - the sort of things I would have thought, because I far too often think them now regarding other people and situations. If you are honest with yourself, you probably think the same types of things. Almost every person - even the especially intelligent, talented, and/or physically attractive - experiences moments when we are jealous of the possessions or accomplishments of others.
Have you every said anything like the following?
“It’s not fair! I accomplish far more at work than him, and yet he received the promotion. I deserve that position!”
“It’s not fair! The only reason she was elected to be the class president is because she’s beautiful. I’m the only one who truly cares about the issues. I should have been the one who was elected!”
“It’s not fair! He is an absolute jerk, and yet because he’s rich, he gets everything he wants. Why should I always do without nice things?”
What is wrong with these statements? The problem is that we forget what St. John the Forerunner knew: “A man can receive nothing unless it has been given to him from heaven” (John 3:27). When we become depressed because we do not have the money, or the success, or the physical attractiveness, or any other thing that other people have, we are in essence saying to God, “You really failed, God. You’ve given all these great things to the undeserving, and you failed to give any of them to me. And in case you hadn’t noticed, God, I really DESERVE all these things!”
In reality, however, we do not want God to give us what we really deserve: our sin - including such rebellious thoughts against God - deserves only punishment. Instead, God lavishes us with good things in Christ (Philemon 1:6).
We need to remember that everything in our lives - both what we have, and what we do not have - is used by God specifically for our spiritual benefit and for the good of the world. The Holy Apostle Paul reminds us of this point in several passages, such as the following:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8)
The Holy Prophet Jeremiah makes a simple statement: “'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11; New American Standard Bible).
It’s relatively easy to read passages like these and intellectually understand that God is not depriving us of anything, and instead intends for us to use our specific positions in life to grow in our relationship with Him and to serve others. It is another thing, however, to be happy about our circumstances. How can you be happy when you see others receive things that you may not even be able to hope to receive?
The key to overcoming the destructive power of envy and jealousy is to develop an “attitude of gratitude.” Rather than being envious of others, try to be grateful for all the blessings in your life. St. John the Solitary describes one helpful method for developing gratitude for your life:
When evening comes, collect your thoughts and ponder over the entire course of the day: observe God's providential care for you; consider the grace He has wrought in you throughout the whole span of the day; consider the rising of the moon, the joy of daylight, all the hours and moments, the divisions of time, the sight of different colors, the beautiful adornment of creation, the course of the sun, the growth of your own stature, how your own person has been protected, consider the blowing of the winds, the ripe and varied fruits, how the elements minister to your comfort, how you have been preserved from accidents, and all the other activities of grace. When you have pondered on all this, wonder of God's love toward you will well up within you, and gratitude for his acts of grace will bubble up inside you.
You can make gratitude an integral part of your relationship with God, as St. Paul says, “(Give) thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20-21). Fr. James Meena explains why we should be thankful for our relationship with God:
The spirit of Thanksgiving would be with us every day if we were indeed aware of our own ‘nothingness’ in relationship to all that which God has created. Consider yourself, you, one person, vis-a-vis the whole universe. You are infinitely smaller in that relationship than the smallest grain of sand is to the widest beach on this planet. That’s how infinitesimal we are, yet, He has given us so much. He gave us the Prophets of old to teach us His ways, and when we rejected them He sent us His Son in order that He might teach us the good news that the Kingdom of God is close at hand. And when the establishment rejected His Son, He fulfilled His promise and made the ultimate sacrifice that from that moment on, not a drop of blood need be shed in order to expiate the guilt of man, for God shed His blood on the Cross so that once and for all time we might have the capacity and the agency by which our sins would be forgiven. Now that is a lot to be thankful for.
St. Peter of Damascus teaches that gratitude to God is a source of rich blessings: “When God is thanked, He gives us still further blessings, while we, by receiving His gifts, love Him all the more and through this love attain that divine wisdom whose beginning is the fear of God” (see Proverbs 1:7).
You can also be thankful for other elements in your life, as Fr. James further tells you:
Why don’t we think in smaller terms since we ourselves are so small; the little things for which we ought to be giving thanks. Each morning to be thankful that He brought us to another day, like a ship through the night, and to dedicate to Him the newness of the day. When we look upon the faces of our loved ones, the members of our family, the abundance of our household, our tables literally groaning with food, the plenteousness; when we experience the freedom of our land, that we live in a nation in which we are free to express ourselves, free to worship God as we elect or not to worship Him at all if we choose that; get up in the morning and go to our automobile and just push a button to open the garage door, turn a key and the engine starts and we travel a distance from our home to our place of employment that our forefathers used to have to plan for a whole day to make the same journey; to come home at night to be greeted by warmth and love and security.
We have friends in our parish family who love us, who trust us, friends in the neighborhood with whom we have good fellowship. We have the opportunity to work and to support ourselves so that we don’t need to be dependent upon anyone for our livelihood. We have the opportunity to educate our children. So much for which to be thankful.
When you are tempted to be jealous of others - and particularly to accuse God of being unfair because others have something you want - remember how richly blessed you are in your life. A great way of remembering these blessings, and thanking God for them, is to say every day the Troparia of Thanksgiving from the evening prayers of the Church:
Now that the day has come to a close, I thank thee, O Lord, and I ask that the evening with the night may be sinless; grant this to me, O Saviour, and save me.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
Now that the day hath passed, I glorify thee, O Master, and I ask that the evening, with the night may be without offence; grant this to me, O Saviour, and save me.
Both now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.
Now that the day hath run its course, I praise thee, O Holy One, and I ask that the evening with the night may be undisturbed; grant this to me, O Saviour, and save me.
Lord, have mercy. (12 times)